Considering the fact that it took Partner (henceforth known as Sea) and me three weeks, three clinic visits and a scoring system to choose a fertility clinic*, you might reasonably assume that choosing a sperm donor would be a nightmare. Like you, I envisioned color-coded profiles, excel charts, and feverish comparisons of potential donors’ stated celebrity lookalikes. This didn’t happen.
Instead, it was fairly clear from our first sort through who our first choice was going to be. It wasn’t his high SAT score, impeccable medical history or interest in mixed martial arts that set him apart— about 90% of the donors seem to have high SAT scores, impeccable medical histories and an interest in mixed martial arts. Instead it was the uncanny resemblance to Sea that won us both over. In his adult photo the donor looks like he could be Sea’s brother (though in real life Sea’s brother looks like somebody who hasn’t seen the sun or a vegetable in quite some time). In his childhood photo the donor looks like Sea with a haircut. Seriously. Sea, who has some impressive skills with Paint, did side-by-side photo comparisons and there was no denying that this donor was her long lost twin, from whom we’re now going to attempt to procure anonymous sperm. I can only hope that our kid is half as cute as Sea and/or her lookalike donor: by far cuter, in my opinion, than the eight million potential donors who describe themselves as aspiring models and actors.
Our clinic also requires us to list second and third choices. This was a little trickier, considering the fact that the right donor was just so right. Picking second and third choices felt like settling. “Yeah, he’s okay, but…” “Well, he does like cats…”” If it weren’t for his nose…” We settled on a top six: Graduation, Monkey Face, Mickey, Dalmatian, and “left-handed-purple-tie-vegetarian-photographer-perfect-in-every-way-except… guy”. Then, moving closer to the color-coding and excel charting I had imagined, Sea did some more photo comparisons. Childhood photos and adult photos were analyzed until we picked and ranked a top three. Our ranking was a little half-hearted, admittedly. Our first choice just seems like the right choice and I hope he’s our guy.
*We chose Clinic One, in case you were wondering. Dr. Text it is!
Partner’s Post: Our Guy
Well, we picked our (potential) donor.
Initially narrowed it down from 147 total donor options to six hopefuls, and then from our six hopefuls chose our mandatory top three guys.
Nicknames of our six hopefuls, in alphabetical order of their sperm bank identification codes (i.e. random):
– “graduation guy”
– “monkey face guy”
– “mickey guy”
– “dalmatian guy”
– “jazz hands guy”
– “left-handed-purple-tie-vegetarian-photographer-perfect-in-every-way-except… guy”
Our top three — and our number one — are in that list.
Truth be told, it wasn’t difficult at all to choose. Some people agonize over this choice. Me? I had a few characteristics that were musts, but it’s not like I’m analyzing each guy’s grandparents’ medical history and personal statement and SAT scores (yes, they tell you their SAT scores). I know that these details matter a great deal to some people, but not so much to me. Our number one is perfect. I hope hope hope that we get our number one.
Y’know, we should freaking get our number one, for what one teaspoon of this guys semen costs! And to think, while I’m spending my life’s savings to buy it, men all over the world jerk off every day and wash their endless supply of the stuff down the drain without a penny’s compensation.
EDIT (18/09/2012): Okay, so after further consideration, “Dalmatian Guy” and “Jazz Hands Guy” have been booted and replaced with “Swoop Guy” and “Cheeky Guy”.