The other night, I had a dream that PartnerA told me that she was due in August. August is nine months from November. I awoke wondering about the significance of the conversations that we share with one another in dreams.
November 29, 2012, was prime. I had decided that that was a good sign. We waited in chairs in Clinic One’s hallway listening to “Santa Baby” and reading PartnerA’s medical file, which had been entrusted to her by our ever-frazzled DrText as he dashed off to play Angry Birds on his iPhone in an empty ultrasound room — or whatever it is that he does when none of the other Clinic One staff can find him for hours at a time.
As we waited for DrText to return, with some curiosity, I glanced through the results of my own tests — no STIs and no B12 deficiency. Boring news is good news. PartnerA’s test results are a tad more interesting — thyroid problems, worrisome follicle measurements, Mickey’s sperm count and quality. PartnerA’s sexual orientation, according to her file, is “women”. As in Sexual Orientation: Women.
The second insemination occurred in a blue-walled room to the somewhat unnerving sounds of an off-key mock version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas”.
The Two Week Wait pregnancy test was scheduled for the morning of December 12, 2012. No need, though, because on December 10, 2012, PartnerA got her period. Right back to square one. Feel like we’ve done this before, except now we’re down to a measly one vial of our first choice donor, who recently retired from the donor program at the ripe old age of 24.
Ever good-natured, PartnerA quipped: “I’ve now killed over forty million sperm. I really am a lesbian!”
A December insemination is a no-go because we’ll be out of town for the holidays. (Alas! To be perfectly honest, lying pantsless atop a paper sheet beneath harsh fluorescent lighting while having one stranger’s semen syringe-injected into one’s cervix by another stranger is arguably more comfortable than a holiday spent with in-laws.)
The next attempt will be at the end of January 2013.
Meanwhile, we’re somewhat sure that some friends of ours, a couple, are pregnant. And they’re using a known donor (read: free sperm). Humbug. When did competitive insemination become a thing? Not a clue, but it totally is a thing. Donor diving, synchronized ovulating, cycling (c’mon, that one was too easy), anyone? Fertilympics?
$1,995, and all I got was this lousy blog post. See ya next year.