Partner’s Post: Bingo

Tonight, PartnerA and I Skyped PartnerA’s parents. The script that we had practiced in advance of this call included the words ‘we’ and ‘our’ in every sentence to tacitly reinforce to PartnerA’s already-skeptical mother that regardless of its genetic makeup, PartnerA’s and my child is PartnerA’s and my child. Our embryo and someday-child has two parents and two parents only — and PartnerA’s mother, contrary to some opinions, is not one.

The rehearsed plan was to catch both of her parents mid-conversation at the point when they exchanged seats in front of the webcam. But that didn’t quite work out so well because upon completing a lengthy conversation with PartnerA’s mother (during which PartnerA’s mother referred to PartnerA as “child” twice), she announced that PartnerA’s father was in the midst of making dinner and was too busy to chat. PartnerA insisted, so PartnerA’s mother disappeared to the kitchen. Moments later, she returned, sans Daddy. Again, PartnerA’s mother reiterated that PartnerA’s father was too busy making dinner to talk. Again, PartnerA insisted and again, PartnerA’s mother disappeared to the kitchen. Moments later, PartnerA’s father appeared in front of the computer, sans Mummy. Dude! Getting those two into the same room is impossible.

That’s when PartnerA made the spontaneous decision to ditch the plan and launch into our script. She caught me off guard, but I squeezed her hand out of view of the webcam and rolled with it.

PartnerA: “We have some exciting news.”

A’s Dad: “What?”

Me: “We’re having a baby.”

A’s Dad: “What? You’re planning to have a baby? Or you’re having a baby?”

PartnerA: “We’re having a baby.”

A’s Dad: “Oh, uh, you’re having a baby? Well. Well…” (A’s Dad is not always the most ‘with it’!)

PartnerA: “I’m pregnant.”

A’s Dad: “Who’s pregnant? You? A?!!”

PartnerA: “Yes. I’m pregnant.”

A’s Dad: [laughs excitedly] [exclaims] BINGO!*

PartnerA and Me: [laugh]

A’s Dad: “Just don’t tell me about the syringe.”

Minutes later, PartnerA’s father retrieved PartnerA’s mother and we repeated the script.

PartnerA: “We have some exciting news.”

Me: “We’re having a baby.”

PartnerA’s mother’s reaction was, as we expected, over the top thrilled. She shrieked and threw her hands into the air and shrieked some more. PartnerA had the presence of mind to take a screen capture of the Skype image at the moment of the reveal, and it’s positively priceless. PartnerA and I in the lower right hand corner have opposite expressions — I’m grinning, and PartnerA looks positively terrified!

Minutes later, when she’d finally composed herself and suppressed her squealing, PartnerA’s mother’s anticipated barrage of invasive questions began.

– PartnerA is the one who’s pregnant? Right? Right?

Yes.

– When are you due?

November.

– How did you do it?

“Well, when a sperm and an egg love each other very much…” PartnerA offered without missing a beat. I could’ve hugged her.

– Who’s the donor?

Anonymous.

– Where did you do the insemination?

A fertility clinic.

– Whose eggs did you use?

We’ve decided not to share that information with people. (To which PartnerA’s mother replied, “Oh, well, I guess that the baby is both yours and Sea’s baby…” To which PartnerA responded with a decisive, “YES.”)

– How long was the process?

Seven months. (This timeline includes the very early days shopping for fertility clinics, blood tests, etc. We’d decided that we would use the longest possible truthful timeline with PartnerA’s mother to bolster suspicion that we might have done IVF with my eggs rather than IUI with PartnerA’s. Keep her guessing, you know.)

– Who else knows?

We’ve decided not to tell too many people yet.

– When will you tell other people?

We’ve decided to wait to tell most people until at least 12 weeks, or longer. We’ll make that decision when we feel that it’s the right time for us.

– Does Sea’s family know?

Not yet.

– I know that I don’t get to decide the name, but I expect my input to be considered.

Uh, we’ll see about that.

– How do you feel?

Fine.

– Are you nauseous?

No.

– Are you still biking?

Yes.

– Is Sea making you healthy meals?

“We’re both taking care of ourselves and each other,” PartnerA responded, squeezing my hand out of view of the webcam.

PartnerA’s mother, too overjoyed to pelt us with any more prying questions, concluded the conversation with even more shrieked congratulations and by emphatically insisting that she would think of nothing else in the foreseeable future but the embryo. She was very serious about that, too.

After ending the call and closing Skype, PartnerA and I grinned, high-fived and hugged. We did it. We did it. I closed my eyes and nuzzled into the familiar soft spot where her neck and shoulder meet, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. She pressed her palms against the small of my back and pulled me closer.

“I love you,” I whispered against her skin.

“I love you too,” she whispered into my hair. “I love you too.”

* Henceforth, the embryo’s blog name is ‘Bingo’. Thanks, PartnerA’s Dad! “And Bingo was his name-o!”

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