Neighbor, who knows we’re expecting a baby in the fall: Taking out the trash
Me, long-haired and girly-looking: Mowing the lawn and minding my own business
Neighbor: “A woman in your condition shouldn’t be mowing the lawn!”
Me: “Um-” (This is uber-awkward.) “-I’m not pregnant. PartnerA is.”
Neighbor: “Oh, uh, oh, um, oh…”
Me: “Don’t worry! Lots of people make that mistake-” (Because they equate hair length with fertility.) “-but nope, it’s PartnerA who’s pregnant!”
Neighbor: “Oh! Well, neither of you are showing!”
Me: I should hope I’m not showing! I’m saving immaculate conception for another day, thanks. Now may I and my ‘condition’ return to mowing the lawn?