Common, if not normal.

First of all, thank you to all who told me to put down the Google.  I know that no good can come from sitting awake at 4am, reading internet forums from 2007.  I know.  All I learned from last night’s trip down that particular rabbit hole is that I may, in fact, be a more neurotic person than I had previously realized.  At least when it comes to the current state of my uterus.

Having sat up for the remainder of the night, slipping back into bed only ten minutes before the alarm went off, I was awake and ready to call Clinic One as soon as it opened.  The bleeding had stopped, it had never become more than spotting, but I was still desperately in need of some professional reassurance.  Now well practiced, I navigated the 87 subdirectories of their automated phone system with ease and left a message for the nurses.  A nurse called back almost instantly.  She was the same nurse, I believe, who had asked me if I felt foolish/fluish during my last cycle.  Her voice was reassuring as I mumbled about red blood, toilet paper and progesterone suppositories.  As soon as I paused for breath she interjected, “I can’t say it’s normal… but it is very common.”  She explained that I should monitor for more bleeding, but shouldn’t come in unless the bleeding became much heavier or more continuous.  Which, thankfully, it didn’t.

I did have a bit more spotting this evening, but it was even less than before and has stopped again.  In the warm light of my house at this reasonable hour, I’m less afraid.  I’m going to try my very best to stay calm and rational.  I may try to block Google on my computer.  And, if I wake up at 3am to pee, I’ll leave the lights off.

TMI, on repeat.

At three in the morning I stumbled downstairs to the bathroom, half-asleep.  Wiping, I was suddenly wide awake: there was bright red blood.

I consider myself to be a fairly logical person.  I know:

a) A lot of people bleed, particularly during early pregnancy, particularly on progesterone, and still have healthy pregnancies.

b) My ridiculously high beta numbers are a good sign.

c) There’s nothing I can do if things aren’t okay.

But none of this is stopping me from still being wide awake two hours later, Googling and afraid.