(Alternate title: “There’s an app for that.”)
When I found out that Bingo was working on cell division, one of my first acts was to download every free pregnancy app that I could find. I then moved on to websites and e-mail lists, signing up for updates with abandon. Sea did her part as well, creating a series of tickers that would make even the most avid blogger green with envy. Though I’ve pared down on the electronic stalking of our fetus quite a bit as the months have passed, I still receive several updates every week.
One of the primary features of most of these pregnancy tracking tools is a weekly size update. As well as giving length and weight (which mean nothing to me), the tools provide a handy visual by comparing the zygote/embryo/fetus size to the size of a fruit or vegetable. At first I found these comparisons charming: “Bingo is a blueberry! Now a raspberry!” I would wander the aisles of the grocery store, smiling indulgently at the fruit or vegetable of the week. Unfortunately, the comparisons quickly moved out of the aisles of my grocery store and into the realm of the obscure: “How big is a persimmon? What is a persimmon, again?” Now the comparisons have become completely illogical. Take, for example, the past couple of weeks:
-Two weeks ago, a cheerful e-mail update informed me that Bingo was now the size of a loaf of bread. I looked down at my stomach, totally unable to imagine how a full loaf of bread could be stored in there. A small loaf, I decided, might fit. I moved on.
-A week later, an app told me that Bingo had grown to the size of bok choy. I happened to have some bok choy sitting at the back of my fridge, so I took it out and looked. It was, as I suspected, smaller than any available loaf of bread. It was barely the size of a reasonable sandwich. Bingo had shrunk?
-This week, the apps and the e-mails agree: Bingo is the size of a pineapple. Smaller than many loaves of bread, still, but bigger than the bok choy. It seems that Bingo grew, shrunk, and grew again.
Despite my disillusionment with the size comparisons, I find something really great about the idea of Bingo as a pineapple– all prickly skin and sharp spears. So I’m holding on to the idea of Bingo the pineapple at 33 weeks, just hoping that next week’s updates don’t downgrade the kid to some flimsy melon or hairy coconut.